GOLD? WHY GOLD? I HAVE A BETTER IDEA!

I DON'T WATCH A LOT OF TV, MOSTLY SPORTS AND
JEOPARDY AND WHEEL OF FORTUNE. I DO SPEND AN
HOUR OR TWO EACH DAY WATCHING FOX NEWS. I
HOPE YOU DO, TOO, AS IT IS USUALLY FAIR AND
BALANCED, AS THEY SAY.
MY PROBLEM IS THE MANY, MANY COMMERCIALS
FOR THOSE COMPANIES THAT ARE TRYING TO GET
YOU AND ME TO BUY GOLD. YOU KNOW WHAT I
MEAN? WHETHER FROM SOUTH AFRICA, OR SOME
OF AMERICA'S COINS, OR THE SWISS OFFERING OR
ANOTHER COUNTRY'S, WE ARE CONSTANTLY BEING
BOMBARDED WITH OFFERS TO "SECURE OUR
FINANCIAL FUTURES" BY INVESTING IN GOLD.
ONE COMPANY EVEN SAYS THAT THEY HAVE LOWER
BROKER'S FEES THAN THE OTHER FIRMS. HUH?
YOU PROBABLY KNOW THE NAMES - LEAR, MERIT
FINANCIAL, UNITED GOLD, SWISS AMERICA,
GOLDLINE, ETC.
MY QUESTION IS THIS - WHY GOLD?
WHAT CAN GOLD REALLY DO?
REALLY, WHAT'S SO SPECIAL ABOUT GOLD?
YOU SHOULDN'T DRINK IT!
CAN YOU EAT IT WHEN THE MARKET GOES SOUTH?
CAN YOU BARTER WITH IT FOR FOOD IF THINGS
GO "BELLY UP"?
SHOULD YOU CARRY IT AROUND IN YOUR POCKET
IF WE ENTER A CRISIS AND EVERYTHING GETS
DEVALUED?
REALLY, THINK ABOUT IT - WHAT GOOD IS GOLD,
AND TO WHOM IS IT REALLY VALUABLE?
WHY NOT ANOTHER COMMODITY, SUCH AS IVORY,
OR TEAK, OR SEASHELLS, OR WOODEN NICKLES?

OR.............BETTER YET - WHY NOT MARBLES?

REALLY, THINK ABOUT THEM:
MARBLES ARE FUN TO HOLD IN YOUR HAND.
MARBLES CAN ROLL AROUND IN YOUR MOUTH.
MARBLES COME IN VARIOUS SIZES.
MARBLES CAN ROLL.
MARBLES CAN BE USED FOR MANY GAMES.
MARBLES CAN BE CLEAR, COLORED, OR EVEN
HAVE DESIGNS INSIDE THEM.
GLASS MARBLES REFLECT, DIRECT, OR REFRACT
LIGHT. TRY THAT WITH YOUR GOLD COINS.

THINK OF THE MANY USES OF MARBLES:
YOU CAN LINE A FISH BOWL OR AQUARIUM.
YOU CAN SIMPLY FILL A CLEAR JAR OR BOWL
WITH THEM.
YOU CAN DECORATE YOUR SIDEWALK WITH
MARBLES IMBEDDED INTO THE CONCRETE.
YOU CAN DECORATE YOUR DOOR SILLS AND
WINDOW SILLS WITH MARBLES.
MARBLES CAN BE TRADED.
YOU CAN HAVE "CAT'S EYES", "AGATES", "STEELIES"
OR A NUMBER OF OTHER TYPES OF MARBLES.
YOU CAN PLAY WITH THEM IN YOUR HAND(S) AS
A MEANS OF ALLEVIATING STRESS.
YOU CAN PLAY GAMES OF MARBLES AT BREAK OR
LUNCH TIMES - MORE RELAXING THAN THE NEWS.
YOU CAN "RACE" MARBLES DOWN A SLOPE.
YOU CAN GLUE THEM TOGETHER INTO VARIOUS SHAPES.
YOUR SNOWMAN WILL LOOK "COOL" WITH MARBLES
FOR HIS/HER EYES, TEETH, ETC.
POLICE OFFICERS CAN THROW A BUNCH OF MARBLES
DOWN TO STOP FLEEING CRIMINALS.

JUST TRY TO DO SOME OF THESE THINGS WITH
GOLD COINS! HUMPH! CAN'T BE DONE.

SO MISTER FINANCIAL EXPERT, YOU WHO ARE TRYING
TO SOLVE OUR MONETARY PROBLEMS WHILE MAKING
A PROFIT - TAKE YOUR GOLD AND MELT IT INTO
MARBLES!! I'LL PLAY YOU A GAME FOR YOUR GOLD
MARBLES. I'LL EVEN PUT UP MY BEST "STEELIE".
GAME?

NOTE: WHILE TRYING TO FIGURE OUT MY PROPOSAL,
BE SURE NOT TO "LOSE ALL YOUR MARBLES". HE-HE!