Ode To Winter

I love Winter, don't you? There's so much to like
about this special season. In fact, it's my fourth
favorite season! A part of the reason that I love
Winter is because it comes just before Spring -
one of my top three seasons!
There is so much to enjoy in the Winter - slipping
and sliding on the roadways, "frosted window panes"
on your car in the morning, and sometimes even
in the afternoon or evening!
I love the sight and sound of those Winter tires
on my vehicle! How manly! They just look like
they could "take a bite out of the roadway", don't
they?
Ever do a "doughnut"? They're fun, at least if
you're in an vacant parking lot or large piece of
road with no other drivers around! Wheeeeee!
Of course, it's not so much fun when your car or
truck spins out of control - although the experience
does somewhat remind you of a carnival ride!
Using ice scrapers and snow brushes gives me a
sense of accomplishment - removing those nasty
elements that would hamper my progress and
views. I'll show them who's boss!
As for dead batteries on very cold mornings,
I need to have some use for those jumper cables
that just lay around in the trunk for months without
any purpose. And then, what good is my AAA
membership if I don't call them once or twice at
least each Winter for tows, jumps, a new battery
or something related?
Shoveling snow is good exercise - just be sure to
check with your cardiologist before trying it. And
those pain pills in your cupboard or medicine
cabinet are waiting for you to "pop" two or three
so you'll be "good as new" soon. Huh?
Winter necessitates special lip care, as they get
chapped so easily and often from the cold. I like
the "cherry" flavored balm, myself, to get away
from that medicinal smell and taste of the "regular"
tubes.
To me, shivering is a kind of season ritual dance!
At my advanced age I dare not try any of those steps
that the "Stars" do, so shivering is my way of dancing
to the temperatures of that special season - Winter!
And who doesn't enjoy watching the Winter Olympics
every four years on television? At least we get to
do so in the warmth and comfort of our living rooms.
Winter brings the sights, sounds, lights, and smells that
are peculiar to this time of year - brightly colored bulbs
on lamp posts and around windows, Christmas carols
and wintry songs being played over mall and city
sidewalk speakers, and most excitedly, the aromas of
baked goodies and those turkeys or other delicacies in
the oven for our meals' main courses! Yum, Yum!
Crammed-full parking lots are a joy, as are stores and
malls with "cheek-to-cheek" shoppers! Talk about
fun! Jostling, bumping, crashing packages and shopping
bags, waiting in lines at the registers - Who could want
more excitement in their lives?
I get especially excited when I get up to go pee in the
middle of the night and there's a "chill" in the air!
The blankets feel so warm and "friendly" when I
go back to bed!
Winter is great, too, for testing one's dexterity and
reflexes as we attempt to traverse uncleared walkways
and parking areas. And......don't you just feel so "warm
and fuzzy" when you put on those layers of clothing?
It's like getting "giant hugs" from your inner and
outerwear! Wool socks, hats, gloves, scarves, heavy
coat (my Rite Aid black leather coat), earmuffs, and
we're ready for the Arctic, hey?
Think about this, too - Winter means no lawn mowing,
no trimming, no weeds to pull or chemicals to apply to
our "greenest lawn in the neighborhood"! Take a
break, sit back, relax, and enjoy the season - the grass
and weeds will be back - maybe sooner than you want
them to be? Huh?
If birds could talk, they'd tell you why they love Winter -
it's because they get to go SOUTH until temps go
back up in our clime! Of course, we do have our share
of human "snowbirds" who do that very same thing -
don't you despise them? Why should they get to go
where it's warmer and leave us to "guard the
neighborhood"? It's not fair. That is unless you
really DO enjoy Winter, and if that's the case -
I'm worried about you.

Additional Honors For Mr. Obama

In the light of the recently-awarded, capricious, and
dubious, so-called "Peace Prize", I offer additional
awards that the recipient of the aforementioned may
be given:
l. Alfred E. Neuman Look-Alike Award
Prize: Side-by-side portrait of both individuals.

2. Empty Promise Award
Prize: A plastic, fake-crystal bowl (empty, of course)

3. Foreign Citizen Of the Centuries
Prize: A framed copy of his Kenyan birth certificate

4. Air Miles Champion Award
Prize: Free trip of his choice to any Arab/Muslim country.

5. Chicago's Ambassador To The World
Prize: Bus trip to Chicago, tour of "The Loop", a ride
on the "El", dinner at George Soros's.

6. Al Gore "Hot Air" Global Warming Prize
Prize: A ride in a "hot air" balloon over the polar icecap.

7. Most Outstanding Kenyan Award
Prize: A grass hut playhouse for his daughters.

8. Hide 'n' Seek Personal Documents Award
Prize: Brass heart of a lion (lyin').

9. Public Smoker-Of-The-Year
Prize: All of the cigarettes or cigars he can smoke
or his choice of patches or gum deterrents.

10. Absentee-Senator-Of-The-Decade
Prize: His slightly-used senate seat from Congress
to display in the Oval Office.

11. "Lefty-Of-The-Year"
Prize: A cast of his LEFT hand. (Get it?)
(He IS "lefthanded", you know!?)

12. Fox News MVP Award
Prize: A bronze fox to place on his mantel.

13. "Mr. Transparency" Prize
Prize: An engraved, dark, smoked-glass mirror.

14. Friend Of Arabs & Muslims Honor
Prize: A turban in his choice of colors.

15. "Amigo & Amiga" Award
Prize: Rosetta Stone's "Spanish" on DVD,
taught by illegals in exchange for amnesty, healthcare, etc.

16. Bush-Basher-Of-The-Decade
Prize: A "Pin-The-Blame-On-George W." game,
complete with poster and darts.

17. Socialist-Masquerading-As-An-American Honor
Prize: (dual prizes) - a rusty iron statue of Marx,
Lenin, and himself, AND his picture and name next
to the word "socialist" in all dictionaries and
encyclopedias.

18. LIBERAL of the Liberals Award
Prize: A lifesized portrait of Nancy Pelosi, Harry
Reid, and himself to hang in his bathroom.

WELL? Can you think of others? I've just begun, and
probably won't address this subject again, as there are
many other humorous sides of life to enjoy. THANKS
for reading, and stay tuned for more in the days ahead.