PART 4 & FINAL (FINALLY) OF "THINGS OBAMA COULD DO TO MAKE ME HAPPY"

I KNOW, I KNOW, WHERE WILL IT EVER END?
I DON'T KNOW.  JUST WHEN I THINK "I'VE DONE
ENOUGH", MORE "BRAINSTORMS" ATTACK MY
ALREADY BESIEGED MIND.  GOT TO STOP THIS
"MADNESS" NOW, AS THERE ARE MORE IMPORTANT
THINGS TO APPLY MYSELF TO.

HERE GOES!  READY?  NO LAUGHING OR CHUCKLING!

1.  GET A CLUE.

2.  TELL US YOUR FAVORITE CHAIRMAN MAO QUOTE.

3.  BE A CONTESTANT ON "ARE YOU SMARTER THAN
     A FIFTH GRADER"!

4.  GO OVER NIAGARA IN A BARREL.

5.  WHAT IS THE "DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE"?

6.  WHAT KIND OF MUSIC DO YOU LIKE?  (I'm guessing
     it's The Blues, because that's what you're "playing" for us!)

7.  SAY, "I LOVE AMERICA".

8.  PRACTICE "SAFE SEX".  We don't need any more Obamas.

9.  IF YOU CHANGED YOUR NAME, WHAT WOULD YOU
     CALL YOURSELF?  I have some suggestions.

10.  WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE QUOTE FROM KARL MARX?

11.  DO YOU PLAY AN INSTRUMENT?  NO, NOT THAT ONE,
       I MEAN A "MUSICAL" INSTRUMENT!

12.  DO YOU ATTEND FAMILY REUNIONS, OR ARE TOO
      MANY OF YOUR RELATIVES HIDING OR IN JAIL?

13.  EXPLAIN THIS QUOTE:  "FERTILIZER HAPPENS".
      Yeh, but 4 years of it?

14.  HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE "THE GREATEST MUSLIM
      PRESIDENT AMERICA HAS EVER HAD"?

15.  DO YOU SIT TO PEE?

16.  AFTER YOU LEAVE OFFICE IN 2013, HOW LONG WILL
       IT BE UNTIL "OBAMALAND" AMUSEMENT PARK
      OPENS?  Where will it be, Kenya?

17.  WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SAYING OF LENIN'S?

18.  HOW MANY HABIBS & BURQAS DO YOU AND
       MICHELLE HAVE?  Which one is your favorite color?

19.  BE A GUEST ON "HILLBILLY HAND-FISHING".

20.  NAME ANY ARTICLE OF THE U.S. CONSTITUTION.

21.  HOW MANY COPIES OF THE KORAN DO YOU OWN?

22.  WHICH MOSQUE DO YOU TITHE TO?

23.  GIVE US A FAVORITE QUOTE OF STALIN'S.

24.  DO YOU KNOW SIGN LANGUAGE?  GUESS WHAT
      "SIGN" MOST AMERICANS ARE GIVING YOU NOW.

25.  DID YOU KNOW THERE'S A CANDY BAR NAMED
       AFTER YOU?  IT'S THE "ZERO'" BAR!

26.  TELL US HOW MANY STROKES YOU'VE TAKEN
       OFF OF YOUR GOLF AVERAGE IN YOUR 80+
      GAMES SINCE TAKING OFFICE.

27.  TELL US WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR AND
       MICHELLE'S LAW LICENSES.

28.  DO YOU WASH YOUR FEET BEFORE TAKING
      OFF YOUR SHOES TO PRAY?

29.  AND FINALLY..............SHUT UP!

30.  ..............................AS ALWAYS, I LEAVE THE
      "LAST WORD" FOR YOU, MY FAITHFUL AND
       BELOVED READER.       

MORE "EVEN MORE" THINGS THAT OBAMA COULD DO TO MAKE ME HAPPY!

JUST CAN'T HELP MYSELF.  WENT TO BED JUST AFTER
11 LAST NIGHT, AND A HALF HOUR LATER OR SO, I
FINALLY PUT THE PEN DOWN AND MADE MY MIND
QUIT!  SO YOU'LL FORGIVE ME IF SOME OF THESE DON'T
"MAKE SENSE"?  JUST LIKE SOME OF THE EARLIER ONES?
HEY - I HAVE FEELINGS, YOU KNOW!

LAST LIST (I THINK) OF THINGS I WISH OBAMA WOULD
DO OR ANSWER TO MAKE ME (AND YOU?) HAPPY:

1.  WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE NEWSPERSON, HANNITY
     OR O'REILLY?

2.  DO YOU AND MICHELLE SLEEP IN THE SAME BED OR
     DO YOU TOSS & TURN TOO MUCH WORRYING ABOUT
    AMERICA?  (Yeh, like I'd believe that one.)

3.  IF YOU'D QUIT TALKING SO MUCH (AND DO SOMETHING),
     WE'D HAVE LESS OF A PROBLEM WITH "GLOBAL WARMING"!

4.  DO YOU LIKE BLT'S?  BACON IS SO TASTY, HEY?

5.  ATTEND A "NATIONAL DAY OF PRAYER" EVENT.

6.  SWIM THE AMAZON.

7.  WHISPER "I AM MUSLIM" TO ME.  PROMISE, I'LL KEEP
     IT A SECRET.

8.  WHAT IS YOUR "IQ"?

9.  PLEASE NAME THE "57" STATES.

10.  TRY SKYDIVING OVER AN ACTIVE VOLCANO.

11.  GIVE A SPEECH WITHOUT A TELEPROMPTER.

12.  CALL "SOMEONE WHO CARES".

 

13.  STAY "HOME" FOR CHRISTMAS.  (Kenya?)

14.  SEE THAT OUR MILITARY GETS THEIR "ABSENTEE

      BALLOTS" ON TIME TO RETURN THEM FOR 

     COUNTING!

15.  HAVE YOU TRIED HARDEE'S SAUSAGE AND GRAVY

      BISCUITS?  YOU GOTTA. 

16.  TAKE YOUR CAMPAIGN ENTOURAGE THROUGH

       MY TOWN - REALLY, DON'T STOP HERE, KEEP GOING

      "THROUGH".

17.  WRESTLE AN ALLIGATOR.

18.  CHOOSE BARNEY FRANK AS YOU NEXT "MATE".

19.  MAKE A WILL AND LEAVE ME OUT OF IT.

20.  JOIN THE ARMY.

21.  FIND AMELIA EARHART, AND DON'T COME

       BACK UNTIL YOU DO!

22.  RECITE THE PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE BY HEART.

      (Oh, they didn't teach that in Indonesia?)

23.  ATTEND A "TEA PARTY" MEETING.

24.  WHO'S YOUR "DADDY"?

25.  BUILD YOUR "LIBRARY" IN KENYA.

26.  WHAT DO YOU READ REGULARLY?  NEWSMAX?

       "MAD"?  "THE WEEKLY STANDARD"?  "WSJ"?

27.  I HEAR YOU LIKE BASKETBALL - CAN YOU

      "SLAM DUNK" LIKE YOU DID THE STIMULUS

      AND "OBAMACARE"?

28.  DEBATE ME.

29.  YOU LIKE TO "GAMBLE", HOW ABOUT A 

       GAME OF "....................ROULETTE"?

30.  AS USUAL, I LEAVE THE LAST SELECTION TO

       YOU, MY DISCRIMINATING READER! ...............

       .................................................................

FEEL FREE TO COPY AND DISSEMINATE.  NONE OF

MY COMPOSITIONS ARE COPYRIGHTED.  MAYBE

THEY CAN'T BE?  FEEL FREE TO "SHARE" OR

PASS ON MY BLOGSITES TO OUR "FRIENDS".    

EVEN MORE THINGS OBAMA COULD DO TO "MAKE ME HAPPY"

Needless to say, I got some interesting and amusing
responses to Monday's first posting on this subject,
which only served to spur me on to continue on the
same line, which thoughts were already stirring in my

mind.  Only 1 was negative.  READY?

First, did YOU think of any additions to the list? 

Here's "Part 2"  of things that "His Arrogancy" could

do to make me, and a whole passel of others, elated:

l.  Apply for U.S. citizenship.

2.  Accept Jesus as Saviour and Lord.

3.  Recite his favorite Quran passage.

4.  Quote his favorite Bible verse.

5.  Show us his Kenyan birth certificate, of which

     I am the proud owner of a copy.

6.  Tell us what your golf handicap is.  You should have

     an idea after 80 rounds or more, hey?

7.  Tell us when he last talked to or saw your "old

     college girlfriend".

8.  Explain his involvement in the Chicago real-

    estate scandal.

9.  Explain why he sought financial aid at

    Occidental College as a "foreign national".

10.  Speak a few words in Arabic, something more

       than "Allah Akbar".

11.  Tell us what Michelle's favorite alcholic libation is.

       Is it really Vodka?

12.  What is your favorite, and how often do you drink?

13.  HOW DO YOU SLEEP AT NIGHT?

14.  What are your favorite TV shows?  Barney?  

       Sesame Street?  NCIS/Mumbasa?

15.  What size jacket do you wear?  We're "fitting" a

       "special jacket" for you.

16.  What hymns do you want sung at your funeral?

17.  How do you want to be buried?  At sea?  Face

       down?  Standing up?  Mummified?  Encased in

      glass like one of your heroes?

18.  Do you like "MAD" magazine?  Did you pose

      for the cover?

19.  Why don't you say the "Pledge of Allegiance"?

       Is it true you said, "I don't want to take sides."?

      What did you mean by that?

20.  Why can't you sing our National Anthem?  Can't

       you carry a tune?  Are you "shy"?  Does it make

      your eyes well up with tears? 

21.  If you could rewrite OUR Constitution, what

      would you "hope" to "change"?  Everything?

22.  Do you still smoke?

23.  Who is your favorite person of all time?  (Other

       than yourself, of course.)

24.  If you could live in any other time period, what

       would it be?  Prehistoric?  The Crusades?  

25.  RECITE THE PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE, PLEASE.

26.  Take back the bust of Winston Churchill.

27.  Do you carry a picture of George Bush in your wallet?

28.  Does Michelle know the meaning of "extortion"?

29.  TELL US WHAT YOU WOULD DO WITH A

       SECOND TERM.  (I'm afraid I know the answer already.)

30.  Your addition(s) here...................

There you have it.  I have a feeling there may be a Part 3!   

   

THINGS OBAMA COULD DO TO "MAKE ME HAPPY"!

As I was browsing through my Facebook page yesterday,
I came across a posting from a "contact" (don't know if I
can refer to him as "friend" yet), who posted comments
similar to this:  "You tea-baggers (referring to members of
the Tea Party) won't be happy even if Obama leaves office.
Is there anything he can do to make you happy?"  HUH!

HUH!  THANKS FOR THE IDEA!  Fasten your seatbelts,
"FRIENDS", here we go for a fast and scary ride.

HOW OBAMA COULD MAKE ME HAPPY:

1.  TAKE A HIKE.

2.  GET LOST.

3.  RESIGN. 

4.  COME CLEAN.

5.  CONFESS HIS KNOWLEDGE OF BLAGO'S
     ILLINOIS SENATE SEAT SALE.

6.  SHOW US A "REAL" BIRTH CERTIFICATE.

7.  REIN IN MICHELLE'S EXTRAVAGANCES!

8.  REIN IN HIS OWN EXTRAVAGANCES!

9.  DEPORT HIS ILLEGAL AUNT & UNCLE BACK TO KENYA.

10.  CONFESS THAT HE'S A MUSLIM.

11.  REVEAL THE DONATIONS HE RECEIVED FROM
       EVERYONE AND EVERYWHERE FOR THE LAST ELECTION.

12.  OPEN UP HIS COLLEGE RECORDS.

13.  SHOW US A "REAL" SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER.

14.  SHOW US A "REAL" SELECTIVE SERVICE REGISTRATION.

15.  EXPLAIN HIS RELATIONSHIP TO GEORGE SOROS,
       BILL AYERS, BERNADINE DORN, VAN JONES, LOUIS
      FARAKHAN, "REV. WRIGHT", THE STEINS, ETC.

16.  TELL WHAT HE LIKES ABOUT THE "BIBLE".

17.  TELL WHAT HE LIKES ABOUT THE "KORAN".

18.  COME CLEAN ABOUT HIS "ACORN" CONNECTIONS.

19.  EXPLAIN HIS "BLACK PANTHER" INFATUATION.

20.  TELL US WHERE LARRY SINCLAIR IS.

21.  SHOW US THE WHITE HOUSE VISITORS' LIST.

22.  TELL US WHO REALLY WROTE "OBAMACARE".

23.  TELL US WHO REALLY WROTE HIS BOOKS.

24.  LET HIS CHILDREN WATCH "FOX NEWS".

25.  WATCH "FOX NEWS" HIMSELF, REGULARLY.

26.  APOLOGIZE TO AMERICA FOR SNOOKERING US.

27.  APOLOGIZE TO AMERICA FOR HIS LIES.

28.  ADMIT HE HAS "HOPE " TO "CHANGE" HIS ADDRESS.

29.  TELL US WHAT HIS "REAL" NAME IS.

30.  I'm leaving this one blank for your addition(s)..........


Okay, Barry, Barack, Hussein, or whoever you are.  You
want to make Americans "happy"?  I doubt it.  BUT IF
YOU TRULY DO.......you can start here, AND KEEP
GOING!  NO REALLY, KEEP GOING - OUT OF TOWN!
I MEAN, OUT OF D.C., FOR KEEPS.  THANKS.

A Tribute To The Garbagemen!

I passed a garbage truck yesterday, and suddenly became

reflective on what being a "garbageman" is all about.  Ever

give it a thought?  Were you ever one of them?  No?  Let's

consider what all is a part of picking up our trash:

l.  In many cases you get to wear a "beautiful green or orange

vest or suit, probably "company provided"! 

2.  Hanging onto the side of a moving vehicle would make many

kids' or teenagers' dreams a reality!

3.  You get to work in the "cool" of the day (nighttime, usually),

when there's no hot sun to make you uncomfortable.  Of course,

winter is another story, but we won't worry about that now.

4.  Seldom (never?) does a garbage truck get "tied up in

traffic".  Ever hear of it?

5.  If you're "lucky", as some of our locals try to be, you'll find

a "treasure or two" when you're picking up or picking through

some of the bags and boxes.  Talk about your "shift

differential"!

6.  It's not important that you shave or shower before going

to work, as you'll soon be smelly anyway.  Some guys would

really like that part.  (Some girls, too?  Yuk.)

7.  You don't have to dress up, like with a tie or dress shirt,

etc., in fact you can wear "little or nothing" under your

jumpsuit!  Scary.

8.  It shouldn't require a high school diploma or GED to get

a job as a trash person - the requirements are few.  Two

arms and two legs are probably the minimum.

9.  Unless you're the driver, you don't even need a driver's

license to get hired!

10.  You soon get used to the odors, and may even start to

like the "smell of the workplace".  Huh?

11.  If asked by your grandchildren what you do for a

living, you can aggrandize your job title by saying that

you're a "Sanitary Engineer"!  No further explanation needed.

12.  Chances are you won't have to worry about getting

"bumped" from your job, as there's no one below you to

seek to "climb" the ladder!  That was bad.

13.  There is great JOB SECURITY, as people will always

have garbage to be hauled, and besides, many people are

more "trashy" than others.

14.  If you "work your way up", you may get the route in

a "ritzy" neighborhood and get more valuable stuff to

take home!

15.  You probably get the daylight hours to do what you

want, once you schedule your sleep, as the stores and

malls generally aren't so crowded in the daytime.  (Be

sure to shower before going shopping,  please, AND,

DON'T wear your work clothes from the night before!

16.  "Job performance" ratings are perpetually bound

to be good, as long as the cans are emptied totally and

the lids are dropped nearby.

17.  If asked by someone who really doesn't know what

you do, "How's business?", you can always answer 

truthfully, "It's 'picking up'!"

18.  You'll never have to worry about "shining your shoes"

before showing up for work.

19.  Deodorant is not a requirement for the position of

"garbageman".  No deodorant, no cologne, no aftershave,

that's like getting a "bonus"!

20.  After time, the "whining" of the truck engine becomes

"music" to your ears!

Okay, that's how I see it.  What do you think?  Ready to

change your career path?  Methinks being a midnight

trashman would have a lot less pressure than the job

you're bogged down in now, say what?    

    

MY IDEAS FOR A "NEW" CONSTITUTION FOR THE U.S.

With all of the hoopla about the way that some (?) politicians
and others are neglecting and bypassing our nation's main
document, I do hereby suggest a few items that might make
some people happier if they are implemented:  My "2011
Constitution".

When in the course of human events it becomes difficult
to live by those rules and guidelines that were composed
by a group of men over 2 centuries ago, and wanting to
put into place a "more reasonable" set of guidelines by
which we may conduct our country's business, we, the
undersigned, propose the following to replace that
antiquated composition of the 18th century:

Article I:  All legislative powers may be given to those
men & women, whether citizens, squatters, illegal or
otherwise who are selected by the "powers that be",
namely those with the most money.

ArticleII:  These terms of appointment shall have no
limits, as long as these members of the House and
Senate agree with their appointer.

Article III:  Anyone is eligible to serve as a member
of the nation's governing body, in spite of their age,
IQ, position in life, body cleanliness, understanding
of the English language, or mental state.

Article IV:  Representatives and Senators may serve
as long as they want to, and may "retire" at any
time with full (obscene) benefits and compensations.

Article V:  Powers of taxation shall be granted to these
unrealistically-designated persons, with the right to
be overbearing on anyone who "has more" than they
have, or more than a person is "rightfully" entitled to.

Article VI:  Graft, payola, bribes, bonuses, and payoffs
are unlimited and without penalty, as long as the
unions, George Soros, SEIU, and others benefit.

Article VII:  The establishment of armies, navies, and
air defense mechanisms shall not be such as to not
allow our borders to be porous or to prevent any
criminals or terrorists from seeking "safe haven"
within our borders.

Article VIII:  No title of nobility shall be given to
anyone except "His Arrogancy", who shall rule
with the same ineptness that he's demonstrated.

Article IX:  The president shall be allowed to
spend as much money as he wants, take as many
vacations as he desires, and waste as much of our
dollars as he feels necessary to keep us humble,
poor, and broke.

Article X:  No documentation of records is
necessary to qualify a person for any high office.
Birth Certificates, college records, SSN's, previous
places of residence, or personal affiliations shall
not be required.

Article XI:  Appointees to the Supreme Court of
the land need not know, understand, or respect
the "Constitution", rather they may be as "pro-
death", Liberal, Socialist, Gay, or anti-American
as they desire to be.

Article XII:  The term "debt ceiling" shall be
removed from our language.  Rather, to be
"financially challenged and in-over-our-collective-
heads forever" will be used to describe our
indebtedness to all of the other governmental
agencies of the world, including those of the
"3rd and 4th and 5th World".

Article XIII:  Religions, per se, shall be "taboo",
unless one is a witch doctor, voodoo practitioner,
witch, warlock, or atheist.  All others must perform
their religious rituals "underground" so as not to
offend.

Article XIV:  Firearms are not permitted to be
possessed by "unfit" citizens.  However, waterguns,
sticky-dart guns, paintball guns, and rubber-band
launchers are allowed, provided a permit is applied
for and granted, at a ridiculous fee.

Article XV:  Every person living within the borders
of the United States of America shall have the
right to vote in local, state, and national elections,
although their ballot will be worthless.  Only those
"in power" shall decide who sits on the court
benches, serves as mayor or councilperson, or
is elevated to the position of "Messiah".

Article XVI:  All citizens shall learn to speak
Spanish, French, Pharsi, Arabic, Portugese,
Pig Latin, "Rap", and "Gobbledygook", in order
to know what their leaders are saying. English is
optional, as is the case already with hillbillies and
Southerners and those living in Maine.  Huh?

POSTAMBLE:  Any additions to or corrections to
the above may be made at any time by anyone
living in Washington, D.C., or Chicago, without
duress or complaining or questioning.  After all,
this is America! 

WHAT WILL WE DO WITHOUT SUNDAY FOOTBALL?

REMEMBER THE BASEBALL STRIKE OF '94?  I THINK THAT
WAS THE YEAR.  THOUSANDS OF FANS WALKED AWAY
FOR YEARS, SELF INCLUDED.

I STILL CANNOT GET EXCITED ABOUT WATCHING PRO
BASEBALL.  ESPECIALLY ON TV.  NOTHING AGAINST THE
FINE YOUNG AND NOT-SO-YOUNG MEN THAT ARE
AFFILIATED WITH THE MLB, BUT I FIND TOO MANY
LAPSES IN THE GAME WHICH CREATE BOREDOM.

I LIKE THE FOOD AT BALLGAMES, BUT I SURE DON'T
LIKE THE PRICES!  THAT'S WHY THERE ARE SO MANY
ATMS IN BALLPARKS.

WHAT ABOUT THE CURRENT NFL "LOCKOUT"?  JUST
WHAT IS A "LOCKOUT"?  IT SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING
THAT AN ANGRY PARENT WOULD DO TO THEIR KIDS.
OR MAYBE EVEN AN ANGRY SPOUSE TO THEIR WIFE
OR HUSBAND?  OR MAYBE A CHILD TO ONE OF HIS/HER
SIBLINGS!

WHAT ARE THE OWNERS DOING?  ARE THEY UPSET
BECAUSE THEY'RE NOT MAKING ENOUGH MONEY?  ARE
THEY OVERPAYING THE PLAYERS?  (IN SOME CASES THE
ANSWER IS A RESOUNDING - "YES!")

MAYBE THEY WANT TO REFURBISH THEIR LUXURY BOXES
AND NEED EXTRA FUNDS TO DO SO.  MAYBE THEY WANT
TO TAKE MORE VACATIONS.  MAYBE THEY AREN'T
HAVING ENOUGH INPUT INTO THE DAILY OPERATIONS OF
THE TEAMS.  MAYBE THEY JUST LIKE HASSLE?  OR
MAYBE IT'S ALL A PUBLICITY STUNT TO GET FANS TO
ACCEPT HIGHER TICKET PRICES IF THEY'RE DESPERATE
ENOUGH?

WHAT ABOUT US, THE LOYAL FANS?
WHAT WILL WE DO ON SUNDAY AFTERNOONS AND
EVENINGS, OR THURSDAY NIGHTS, WHEN WE ARE USED
TO WATCHING OUR FAVORITE TEAMS?
WHATEVER SHALL WE DO?

HOW ABOUT MORE "EXPOSURE" TO WOMEN'S FOOTBALL?
HOW ABOUT A "VICTORIA'S SECRET" LEAGUE?
HOW ABOUT MORE ICE SKATING SHOWS?
HOW ABOUT TELEVISING UEFA SOCCER?
HOW ABOUT HAVING THE SCREENS GO BLANK SO
FAMILIES HAVE TO TALK TO EACH OTHER OR INTERACT?
HOW ABOUT EXTENDING THE LENGTH OF CHURCH SERVICES?
HOW ABOUT HAVING CHURCH DINNERS EVERY SUNDAY?
HOW ABOUT MORE DARTS, DOMINOES, AND CHESS?
HOW ABOUT A BILLIARDS LEAGUE?
"HOOK" IS BIG IN SOME AREAS/TAVERNS!

JUST ABOUT THE TIME WE DECIDE THAT WE WANT ONE OF
THE ABOVE OR ONE OR MORE OF YOUR SUGGESTIONS,
SOMEONE WILL CAVE IN AND THE NFL WILL BE BACK. 
HUMPH.
WITH A SHORTENED SEASON?
WITH ALTERNATIVE PLAYERS?
WITH NO EXHIBITION GAMES?
WITH A CHAMPION DECIDED BY MEANS OTHER THAN
A "SUPERBOWL"?
HOW ABOUT ADOPTING OR ADAPTING SOME OF THE
"ARENA LEAGUE" CONCEPTS?  COULD BE FUN!?
WHAT ABOUT HAVING THE PLAYERS WEAR INFLATABLE
SUITS AND HELMETS?  VERY ENTERTAINING, I THINK.

THAT'S MY TAKE.  COMMENTS WELCOME.  BE CAREFUL,
I HAVE FEELINGS, YOU KNOW.  I'M SENSITIVE, YOU KNOW.




    

MAY I SEE YOUR BIRTH CERTIFICATE, PLEASE?

I know that this is not necessarily a subject that we
should expect on a "humor" blog, but I just posted
2 new treatises on the http://www.speakingforamericans.blogspot.com/
site, and want desperately to get this into your heads
and hands.

WHEN AND WHERE WERE YOU BORN?

Got proof that you're not from another planet?
Got proof that you weren't hatched from an egg?
Got proof that you weren't compounded in a lab?
Got proof that your parents didn't find you in a dumpster?

Personally, I was born at 12;15 AM, on July 15, 19__,
in Canonsburg General Hospital, Canonsburg, PA.
My parents (now deceased) were Charles W. Richey, Sr.
and Nancy Virginia (O'Donnell) Richey.  I forget my
weight (it's on the certificate), but I was told that I had
RED HAIR when I popped out.  Must have been the
Irish in me.

AND I HAVE THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE!
I can prove when and where I entered this world.
Can you?  Can "Barry", "His Arrogance"?
You know who I mean.

I HAVE A PROPOSAL - Let's all make a copy of our
birth certificates and SEND THEM TO THE WHITE HOUSE,
ATTENTION;  Barack Hussein Obama!!

He's probably never seen one before.  I don't think he knows
where his is, else he would produce it and quiet his
critics (such as me).  There's some reason why he doesn't
want us to know what is on it - maybe an embarrassing
entry or two that would intimidate or expose him.  Humph.

ARE YOU GAME?  Will you do it?  Let's bombard the
mail system (if they're still working), and the White House
with photocopies of REAL AMERICANS' BIRTH
CERTIFICATES, and continue to put the pressure
on NOBAMA to open his personal records that he had
sealed on his first day of office!  Huh?  What's that about?

MAILING DATE:  June 1, 20ll.  Are you with me? 

WHO'S Searching For Me?

I can't stop smiling. Almost moved me to tears!
I laughed out loud. I get a few of those social sites
enlisting me to find old friends and to trace my
family ties, as well as to "find out who's looking for
you" sites.
BUT THIS ONE REALLY GOT MY ATTENTION:
"2 of your EX's are searching for you". Huh? Really?

Two of my ex-whats? Ex-friends? Ex-lovers?
Ex-creditors? Ex-neighbors? Ex-wives? Huh?
Ex-bookies? Did I default on a bet or two?

WHAT WOULD YOU THINK IF YOU GOT THAT
MESSAGE? Are you in the witness protection program?
Is "Cousin Guido" looking for you? Or John Walsh?
Have you been hiding using one of your aliases so
the IRS can't locate you? WHO'S LOOKING FOR YOU?
A jealous boyfriend? An angry husband or wife?

It came in my "spam" box, but I was so intrigued
by the heading that I had to open it. Of course it
was one of those "find-an-old-friend" websites, but
it caught my attention by the header!

So I started thinking, "Why would one or more of
my 'ex's' be looking for me, that is if I had two or
three such former partners?" Huh? One is happily
remarried. (Went first.) The other passed away, so I
doubt that she is looking for me. Besides, if she really did
need to find me, all she has to do is contact one of
her fellow "spirits" or "ghosts"! Huh? Or look down from
Heaven and see "what I'm up to"!?

AND, why would a union that has long been dissolved
still be an issue? Divorce payments? Child support?
Missing jewelry? Important papers? Alimony?
Revenge? To gloat? To "rub it in"? Guilt? To cause
guilt? (As if I didn't suffer with that enough.) Old
pictures? "Grandma"s precious keepsakes?

I suppose that in some cases an "ex" might want to
make amends, or renew friendships, or restore
communications (which I'd like), but it seems that
most ex's are content to leave well-enough alone.
Is it possible that 1 or more of your ex's are trying
to reach you? Scary? Maybe, maybe not. What if
he or she honestly wanted to regain or restore
the friendship? Could happen.

Well, there you have it - the prospect of your (my?)
past haunting you!? Watch your email box for the
announcement. Don't panic, it may just be an ad
for someone trying to get your money (an "ex'?), or
an attempt to "put the fear of an "ex" into you".

Thank God for forgiveness. Now if we could just
get "forgetness" as easily. Who's "searching for you"
besides God?