With all of the hoopla about the way that some (?) politicians
and others are neglecting and bypassing our nation's main
document, I do hereby suggest a few items that might make
some people happier if they are implemented: My "2011
Constitution".
When in the course of human events it becomes difficult
to live by those rules and guidelines that were composed
by a group of men over 2 centuries ago, and wanting to
put into place a "more reasonable" set of guidelines by
which we may conduct our country's business, we, the
undersigned, propose the following to replace that
antiquated composition of the 18th century:
Article I: All legislative powers may be given to those
men & women, whether citizens, squatters, illegal or
otherwise who are selected by the "powers that be",
namely those with the most money.
ArticleII: These terms of appointment shall have no
limits, as long as these members of the House and
Senate agree with their appointer.
Article III: Anyone is eligible to serve as a member
of the nation's governing body, in spite of their age,
IQ, position in life, body cleanliness, understanding
of the English language, or mental state.
Article IV: Representatives and Senators may serve
as long as they want to, and may "retire" at any
time with full (obscene) benefits and compensations.
Article V: Powers of taxation shall be granted to these
unrealistically-designated persons, with the right to
be overbearing on anyone who "has more" than they
have, or more than a person is "rightfully" entitled to.
Article VI: Graft, payola, bribes, bonuses, and payoffs
are unlimited and without penalty, as long as the
unions, George Soros, SEIU, and others benefit.
Article VII: The establishment of armies, navies, and
air defense mechanisms shall not be such as to not
allow our borders to be porous or to prevent any
criminals or terrorists from seeking "safe haven"
within our borders.
Article VIII: No title of nobility shall be given to
anyone except "His Arrogancy", who shall rule
with the same ineptness that he's demonstrated.
Article IX: The president shall be allowed to
spend as much money as he wants, take as many
vacations as he desires, and waste as much of our
dollars as he feels necessary to keep us humble,
poor, and broke.
Article X: No documentation of records is
necessary to qualify a person for any high office.
Birth Certificates, college records, SSN's, previous
places of residence, or personal affiliations shall
not be required.
Article XI: Appointees to the Supreme Court of
the land need not know, understand, or respect
the "Constitution", rather they may be as "pro-
death", Liberal, Socialist, Gay, or anti-American
as they desire to be.
Article XII: The term "debt ceiling" shall be
removed from our language. Rather, to be
"financially challenged and in-over-our-collective-
heads forever" will be used to describe our
indebtedness to all of the other governmental
agencies of the world, including those of the
"3rd and 4th and 5th World".
Article XIII: Religions, per se, shall be "taboo",
unless one is a witch doctor, voodoo practitioner,
witch, warlock, or atheist. All others must perform
their religious rituals "underground" so as not to
offend.
Article XIV: Firearms are not permitted to be
possessed by "unfit" citizens. However, waterguns,
sticky-dart guns, paintball guns, and rubber-band
launchers are allowed, provided a permit is applied
for and granted, at a ridiculous fee.
Article XV: Every person living within the borders
of the United States of America shall have the
right to vote in local, state, and national elections,
although their ballot will be worthless. Only those
"in power" shall decide who sits on the court
benches, serves as mayor or councilperson, or
is elevated to the position of "Messiah".
Article XVI: All citizens shall learn to speak
Spanish, French, Pharsi, Arabic, Portugese,
Pig Latin, "Rap", and "Gobbledygook", in order
to know what their leaders are saying. English is
optional, as is the case already with hillbillies and
Southerners and those living in Maine. Huh?
POSTAMBLE: Any additions to or corrections to
the above may be made at any time by anyone
living in Washington, D.C., or Chicago, without
duress or complaining or questioning. After all,
this is America!
and others are neglecting and bypassing our nation's main
document, I do hereby suggest a few items that might make
some people happier if they are implemented: My "2011
Constitution".
When in the course of human events it becomes difficult
to live by those rules and guidelines that were composed
by a group of men over 2 centuries ago, and wanting to
put into place a "more reasonable" set of guidelines by
which we may conduct our country's business, we, the
undersigned, propose the following to replace that
antiquated composition of the 18th century:
Article I: All legislative powers may be given to those
men & women, whether citizens, squatters, illegal or
otherwise who are selected by the "powers that be",
namely those with the most money.
ArticleII: These terms of appointment shall have no
limits, as long as these members of the House and
Senate agree with their appointer.
Article III: Anyone is eligible to serve as a member
of the nation's governing body, in spite of their age,
IQ, position in life, body cleanliness, understanding
of the English language, or mental state.
Article IV: Representatives and Senators may serve
as long as they want to, and may "retire" at any
time with full (obscene) benefits and compensations.
Article V: Powers of taxation shall be granted to these
unrealistically-designated persons, with the right to
be overbearing on anyone who "has more" than they
have, or more than a person is "rightfully" entitled to.
Article VI: Graft, payola, bribes, bonuses, and payoffs
are unlimited and without penalty, as long as the
unions, George Soros, SEIU, and others benefit.
Article VII: The establishment of armies, navies, and
air defense mechanisms shall not be such as to not
allow our borders to be porous or to prevent any
criminals or terrorists from seeking "safe haven"
within our borders.
Article VIII: No title of nobility shall be given to
anyone except "His Arrogancy", who shall rule
with the same ineptness that he's demonstrated.
Article IX: The president shall be allowed to
spend as much money as he wants, take as many
vacations as he desires, and waste as much of our
dollars as he feels necessary to keep us humble,
poor, and broke.
Article X: No documentation of records is
necessary to qualify a person for any high office.
Birth Certificates, college records, SSN's, previous
places of residence, or personal affiliations shall
not be required.
Article XI: Appointees to the Supreme Court of
the land need not know, understand, or respect
the "Constitution", rather they may be as "pro-
death", Liberal, Socialist, Gay, or anti-American
as they desire to be.
Article XII: The term "debt ceiling" shall be
removed from our language. Rather, to be
"financially challenged and in-over-our-collective-
heads forever" will be used to describe our
indebtedness to all of the other governmental
agencies of the world, including those of the
"3rd and 4th and 5th World".
Article XIII: Religions, per se, shall be "taboo",
unless one is a witch doctor, voodoo practitioner,
witch, warlock, or atheist. All others must perform
their religious rituals "underground" so as not to
offend.
Article XIV: Firearms are not permitted to be
possessed by "unfit" citizens. However, waterguns,
sticky-dart guns, paintball guns, and rubber-band
launchers are allowed, provided a permit is applied
for and granted, at a ridiculous fee.
Article XV: Every person living within the borders
of the United States of America shall have the
right to vote in local, state, and national elections,
although their ballot will be worthless. Only those
"in power" shall decide who sits on the court
benches, serves as mayor or councilperson, or
is elevated to the position of "Messiah".
Article XVI: All citizens shall learn to speak
Spanish, French, Pharsi, Arabic, Portugese,
Pig Latin, "Rap", and "Gobbledygook", in order
to know what their leaders are saying. English is
optional, as is the case already with hillbillies and
Southerners and those living in Maine. Huh?
POSTAMBLE: Any additions to or corrections to
the above may be made at any time by anyone
living in Washington, D.C., or Chicago, without
duress or complaining or questioning. After all,
this is America!
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